You Don't Have to Earn Rest in Pregnancy

"I just need to get through it."

If that's become your plan for this pregnancy, I get it. It's the plan most of my clients land on without ever deciding to.

The nausea, the exhaustion, the workday that feels twice as long. Get through the first trimester. Get through this week. Get through today.

Here's what I want you to consider: getting through it isn't the only option. And you don't have to earn anything easier.

Rest isn't being refused. It's just never on the list.

Most clients I talk to aren't consciously thinking, I have to earn my rest. It's quieter than that.

There's work. The baby. Your partner. Maybe other kids. Appointments. The house. Family. Obligations.

Then you.

And if there's anything left at the end, maybe you get some of it.

You say yes automatically. You hold yourself to the same capacity you had before you were pregnant. You feel a little guilty when you put your own needs ahead of someone else's. And when something gets hard, the instinct is to push harder.

So here's the belief I'd love for you to try on:

Your needs don't have to become urgent before they deserve your attention.

You don't have to be falling apart to deserve a nap. You don't have to be at your limit to ask for help.

If you're in the early weeks and want a clear picture of what actually deserves your energy right now, my free video series You're Pregnant?! Now What? is a good place to start. Click Here

The question that changed how I work

This year, I cut my clinical hours. For me, that meant going from working 70 to 80 hours a week to working 40.

It didn't start as a plan. It started because everything felt so hard, and honestly, impossible.

I love my patients. I love my clinical practice. I love delivering babies and operating. But that's not the only piece of me. I also love my kids, my spouse, my family, my peace of mind, and my own health.

So I looked at the pie chart of where all my time and energy was going, and I asked one question:

How could this be easier?

That question opened up better ones. What can I adjust in this pie chart? What can I cut out? How can I do this differently so the things that bring me joy are equally present and important? And how can I put joy back into my work?

I know not everyone has the privilege or the ability to cut their hours. But there's usually something you can take off your plate. That might look like asking for help, delegating, bringing your kids along to your workout, or rearranging your week so it feels more balanced and looks more like what you want it to.

What "How could this be easier?" looks like in pregnancy

You don't need a big life change to start using this question. You need a few small places to ask it.

Ask the people around you: "What can you take off my plate?" Not "Can you help?" which is easy to wave off. A specific question gets a specific answer. Your partner takes over dinner three nights a week. A friend handles the baby registry research. A coworker covers the early meeting.

Put rest on the calendar. If it isn't scheduled, it will lose to everything that is. Treat a 20-minute lie-down or an early bedtime like an appointment you'd keep for anyone else.

Decide your minimum. On the hardest days, what's the smallest version of taking care of yourself that still counts? Water by the bed. A snack in your bag. Ten minutes outside. Minimums keep you from going to zero.

Ask yourself: "What kind of support do I need to make this easier?" Sometimes the answer is practical, like a meal delivery or a ride to your appointment. Sometimes it's someone to talk things through with. Both count.

You don't have to earn it

If you feel a pang of guilt reading this, that makes sense. Many of us learned that needing help is a bad thing, or that taking care of ourselves is a luxury.

But rest isn't a reward for getting through the hard part. Help isn't something you qualify for once things get bad enough. You're allowed to make this easier now, today, while things are still manageable.

That isn't weakness. It's paying attention.

Where we go from here

Next week, we'll talk about one of the biggest fears I hear from clients: I want to become a mother, but I still want to be me. Spoiler: you get to do both.

If this post made you think of someone who's pushing through right now, send it their way.

And if you want a physician-led starting point for the weeks ahead, join me for my free video series, You're Pregnant?! Now What? Why Would I Need a Pregnancy Coach? Isn't That What My OB Is For?

Talk soon,

Dr. Fields